The Metal Burns And Cries!!!

posted 7/7/2016 7:08:42 AM by: timothy

I decided to pseudo-scientifically write the most metal song ever based off of the Metalness quotient in the following, well-reasoned and executed analysis. I can't vouch for the results as I have not replicated the experiment but the results appear sound and well-researched.

Heavy Metal and Natural Language Processing.

Let's start "The Metal Burns And Cries" by pulling from "Most Metal Words" at Rank 20 by moving all the way down the list and then we'll pop the stack from there. Change some word forms, add a yeeaaahhh!!! because I don't believe any metal is complete without guttural utterances.

As we move up the list, our metal lyrics start to surge with Metalness. Rising up from the besotten metal-less words that have been forced to the bottom of the top 20 list by words that are more HEAVY METAL!!! RaaAAaagghhh!!!

Intensity rising as we reach the creshendo a rollercoaster and dropping weightless through the atmosphere, screaming Hell yeah!!! and flashing the Sign Of The Horns...

For the chorus, we're just going to the top of the list starting with the highest Metalness quotient and BURN the listener with the "Most Metal Word" that exists. We'll prefix it with article "The" just to tame the Capsaicin blow and additionally we'll change the word form to "burnt" in order to prevent physically damaging the listener, who we would like to live long enough to be a fan and buy our recordings and merch.

...but then, they will die.

Unlucky number 13 ends our song...with a Goodbye.

This lyrical maelstrom of future audible death lies below. Handle it with CAUTION!

"The Metal Burns and Cries" (c) 2016 Timothy Lee Russell

Released under the Tag license. Tag your recordings with @hyperubik and share them on Twitter. I really want to hear your metal versions of this, like pronto! Arrangement is yours. If you can work in a couple of the top 20 "Least Metal Words" and have it not suck, you ROCK!!! But, it will probably suck if you try to do that. Once you post your version, I'll link to it and you will be a #MetalHero.

Scream at the flames
Tear at the reigns
Pray the gods dream
Say goodbye to the sword

Sorrow, sorrow my soul
Ashes, Demons, DEMONS, yeeaaahhh!!!
Gonna flame the beast
breathe into eternity

the burnt cries of his veins
eternity breathes the beast

the burnt cries of his veins
eternity breathes the beast


© 1999—2019 Timothy Lee Russell


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